My Mind Holds the Key
by SorceressOfTheOceanAndStars
Summary: No matter the consequences...Sora will make sure his other will have his own body again. Rated T For swearing, Sora *possibly* being out of character though he means well, and an ending with self sacrifice. The true ending is bittersweet, and the second is semi-funny and fluffy. Based off of the song My Body is a Cage by Peter Gabriel. I own nothing except the cover.


**This song and idea was stuck in my head, and I had to write it before it drove me crazy. 'Nuff said. I'm not gonna waste everybody's time jabbering, so how about we get this show on the road huh? Enjoy~ :)**

 **.o.o.o.0.0.0.o.0.0.0.o.o.o.**

They don't understand.

Why should they, really? It's not like they went through the same thing he did; they never had to deal with merging with another half of their being.

Riku kept insisting that it was for the best; that Sora would have never woken up from his year long sleep if Roxas hadn't rejoined him. Everyone and their dog insisted that even if it was possible, Roxas was a nobody; he couldn't love Sora because he was physically incapable of it.

Riku didn't understand, none of them save one, possibly two could understand. Kairi might have been able to understand, but She and Naminé didn't have the same kind of relationship that Sora and Roxas did.

Ventus understood, he's probably the only one that Sora felt could be able to understand the best. When they had talked about it, Ventus admitted that he had loved Vanitas, he was his other half after all.

But he couldn't allow Vanitas to do what Xehanort had ordered him to do, and their relationship was destroyed before it could even begin due to being on opposite sides; do to a madman that couldn't let his apprentice, Ventus' dark side, be himself and tortured him when he showed even a shred of affection.

"Were you able to...y'know...during certain times?" Sora had asked him once.

Ventus had shook his head and smiled bitterly, "only once," he had said, "right before I had to go to the keyblade graveyard. He...he came into my room that night and we..." he trailed off, unable to continue as his hand clenched over his heart and tears gathered in his eyes. Sora had given him a sympathetic look, patting the blond boy's shoulder in understanding.

Sora hadn't even gotten that much, he was never allowed to meet Roxas in person like Ven had with Vanitas. Only in his dreams, in his heart's sanctuary could he see him. That said, they both had something that the other didn't; Ventus may have met Vanitas in person, but Sora could meet with Roxas in his mind almost any time he wanted. Ven couldn't do that, no matter how much he may wish for it.

Only a select few knew. Leon, Cloud, and Aerith knew, in their own ways of just _knowing_ , though Cloud couldn't understand it very well considering his relationship with Sephiroth. Riku and Kairi knew, because he never kept anything from his best friends, though Riku had gotten somewhat of a sour look when Sora had told him. Ventus knew, because they talked about it sometimes.

Yen Sid may have suspected something when Sora had went to his tower one time to ask if there was a way to separate a Somebody from a Nobody without either one being lost to darkness.

"I'm sorry Sora, but it is impossible," the old wizard had told him, "once a Nobody is reunited with it's human, there is no separating them without dire consequences."

Needless to say, Sora had left extremely disappointed, only after he chewed Yen Sid out for talking about nobodies as if they weren't already human; as if _Roxas_ wasn't a human.

Roxas. Sora with an x. The Nobody to Sora's Somebody; his other half.

No one else knew about Sora and his feelings. Not even Donald and Goofy and he had made Kairi and Riku promise not to say anything to King Mickey or anyone else as well. How could you tell your mother, your friends and comrades, that you were in love with someone who was technically yourself?

Sora shuddered to think about what they would say. If his mother or anyone on Destiny Islands found out. They would surely lock him up for insanity. They already had no idea of what Sora had gone through all the years he'd been gone, why not add _narcissism_ on top of that?

 _Selfcest_.

They would hall him off to the funny farm, certainly.

Roxas had told Sora dozens of times that he didn't need a body of his own, that he was perfectly fine staying in Sora's heart and mind. Sora wouldn't hear it though; Roxas wasn't Sora, at least not to Sora himself. He was more than a nobody, more than Sora; he deserved to have his own life, be his own person.

He deserved to exist. Not as just another part of Sora, but as himself. That said, even though these thoughts were very true, Sora also had much more, selfish, reasons for getting Roxas his own body.

Sora was tired of having to sleep to meet him. He was tired of having to defend the blond every time someone spoke cruelly about him because he couldn't speak up for himself. He was tired of waking up and finding out that having Roxas in front of him, solid and blue eyes twinkling, was all just another dream.

He was tired of being alone in the real world.

All that would change however.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Sora started to sneak into Merlin's house when he wasn't home and tinker with the potions in the wizard's lab. Though he wasn't delusional to think that he was a master chemist and potion maker, he was determined to find something that would separate them, regardless of any consequence to himself. Roxas tried to talk him out of it once, saying he didn't want Sora to hurt himself, but Sora had retaliated with the argument that he was already hurting.

"People think I'm a lazy ass because I sleep a lot and my mom is thinking about calling a psychiatrist because she caught me 'talking to myself' too many times," Sora reminded him, eyebrows creased and lips pursed into a thin line, "I don't care what happens to me, I just wanna have you next to me in person and not have to pretend I'm happy with the situation we're in when I'm obviously not."

Sora's eyes began to water and he bared his teeth, glaring at nothing since Roxas wasn't physically there to glare at; his heart hurt worse just from that unwanted acknowledgement, "and you can't keep telling me you don't want your own body! I've seen your memories Roxas, _I know_."

Sora wiped the side of his hand over his eyes, refocusing on the mixture he was making, "just please, let me do this; for both of us."

Roxas said nothing to dissuade him after that.

After many weeks of being the hero and preforming his act of innocence while dealing with trial and error with potions in secret, Sora finally settled on a potion the same sky blue color as his eyes.

"This has to be the one," Sora said resolutely, "if this doesn't work, I'm giving up on potions."

 **"Whatever you say Sora,"** Roxas said, keeping his voice level yet he was secretly apprehensive of what this concoction might do; he didn't want to spend a week as a goat again.

Sensing his other's wariness, Sora sighed and raised the bottle to his lips, a strange smell of lilacs and gymsocks hitting his nose and causing him to wrinkle it.

"Bottoms up," he said before tilting his head back and chugging the entire thing.

They waited a few minutes...

And waited...

And waited some more.

After what felt like an eternity but what may have actually been twenty minutes, Sora sighed. A dud it seemed.

 **"Sorry Sora,"** was all Roxas said.

Sora shook his head, gently placing the empty bottle on the table, "it's okay Roxy, I'll just think of something else."

Later that night, Sora was sitting in his room, talking with Roxas like he has done for the past couple of years. The night was solemn though, compared to the usual enthusiasm the brunet would've had as he changed for bed.

"Maybe we could look through Yen Sid's old books and see if there's something in them?" Sora suggested.

 **"If there was something, Yen Sid would have told you,"** Roxas reminded him gently. Sora huffed, feeling more exhausted than usual.

"I know, I just don't wanna give up hope is all."

 **"You'll find something Sora, I know you will** ," Roxas encouraged, though he couldn't think of anything that could help.

More days passed and despite what he had said that night, Sora lost more and more hope. He still acted like people expected, pasting on a smile even when he felt like breaking. Riku was the first one to notice.

"Sora, have you been feeling alright?" Riku asked him. Sora jerked, snapping out his thoughts as he looked away from the sunset he'd been focusing on. He turned towards the silveret, the coldness in his ocean eyes making the other male shiver and frown even more.

Thanks to Roxas' memories, Sora knew exactly what Riku had done to the blond in order to get him to join with Sora. Sora didn't blame Riku for using the powers of darkness; he knew Riku had to do what he thought was right at the time, Roxas had even forgave him after so long; but that didn't mean Sora had forgiven the mistreatment of his Other.

"Yeah, I'm okay Riku," he finally said, a warm smile automatically coming onto his face with the empty words. Riku relaxed a bit, though the frown didn't go away.

"Are you sure? You've been acting...different for the past week."

Sora tensed, smile frozen, "I'm _fine_ Riku," he insisted, voice clipped with the unsaid warning of ' _drop it_ '.

Riku looked at him dubiously, yet he nodded regardless. He turned his attention outward to the sunset, sighing and somehow appearing much older than seventeen, "look, I'm sorry Sora. If there was any way we could have woken you up without Roxas merging with you, then I would have done it. I regret not looking for another answer."

"Nothing to be done about it now," Sora dismissed him, looking back at the sunset with the other male. Roxas had been quiet throughout the conversation, worrying Sora so the brunet waved his hand, "I think I need to be alone right now Riku."

Riku left without another word.

Ventus was the next to notice, but he didn't confront Sora about it. He understood why Sora was feeling the way he was and no pretty words or talking it out would be able to change that. He had just let Sora know he was there for him when he needs him. Sora was thankful for the sentiment, but it didn't help much.

Kairi confronted him next, and the beautiful, gentle _idiot_ tried to tell him that it'll be alright. 'Naminé and Roxas are happy where they are, don't worry about it too much,' she had said.

This is what Sora meant when he had thought she couldn't completely understand.

He snapped at her, saying that she didn't get it. She could never understand because her relationship with Naminé wasn't the same. He left before she could say anything else, ignoring Roxas' scolding for treating his friend that way. He didn't care anymore.

Kairi and Naminé were just friends, which was terrific of coarse but Kairi never felt the need to be close to the blond girl in reality like Sora did with Roxas. She never felt the need to give Naminé her own life; her own body. She never got tired of talking to Naminé only in her head and in her dreams, never felt the heart ache of it being not enough.

Something inside Sora snapped, and in that moment, he decided he couldn't, _wouldn't_ take it anymore.

He thought back to how it all began, the sacrifice he had made for Kairi to release her heart.

The day that Roxas was 'born'.

And suddenly it became so clear to him.

Even if it meant Sora became a heartless again, it was the only way.

He ran to the secret cave that started everything when he was fourteen.

He squeezed himself through the hole; he wasn't as small as he used to be.

 **"Sora? What are you doing?"** Roxas asked hesitantly. Sora said nothing as the cave opening widened and he got to his feet.

He looked around at the many drawings he and his friends had made throughout their childhood, finally focusing on the doorway at the back of the cave.

The Destiny Islands keyhole.

He summoned his faithful weapon and ran his hand over the 'blade', a sad frown on his face. He wasn't sure if it would be possible, but he would like to see Roxas' face, before he disappeared into the darkness and became a monster.

 **"Sora no!"** Roxas exclaimed when it dawned on him what the brunet was about to do, **"please! You can't do this!"**

"It's the only way..." Sora said, voice flat with fatality, "you'll be free to live your life again after this, like you've always wanted."

 **"Not if it costs _you_ your life you _dumbass_!"** Roxas said, his fist rising to his aching chest inside the station of awakening, **"please Sora...don't..."**

Sora smiled at the wall, pretending that Roxas was already standing in front of him, "I love you...Roxy," was all he said before turning the kingdom key on himself.

 ** _"NO!"_**

He pierced his chest, arms falling limp at his sides. With cloudy eyes, he saw a figure appear before him, becoming more solid the more he faded. The figure turned toward him, lovely ocean blue eyes wide before reaching out to him.

The last thing Sora consciously seen was Roxas' horror stricken face.

While the first thing Roxas consciously seen was Sora's peaceful, smiling face and dim blank blue eyes.

Roxas tried to grab Sora, but he vanished into little balls of light that flew away from his hold. Crystal water ran down his cheeks as the feeling of deja vu overwhelmed him, causing him to collapse to his knees.

"Sora...I love you too...please don't leave me..."

Roxas stuffed his palms into his eyes, sobbing bitterly over the loss of his other half. Unaware to him however, there was still another presence in the cave. A creature with glowing gold eyes and black skin, wisps of darkness rising up from it like smoke. It carefully crawled up to the blond boy and put a clawed yet humanoid hand on his shoulder.

Roxas yelped, jumping up and summoning his duel keyblades, oathkeeper and oblivion. The creature scuttled back in fright, whining like a pitiful puppy at the sight of the weapons. Roxas' eyes widen when he got a good look at the heartless; it looked vaguely like...

"S-Sor...ra?" He stuttered, dropping his weapons with a metallic clatter to the stone floor, "is...is that you?"

The creature, who looked a lot like his Somebody-- or at the very least could have been his shadow, tilted it's head and blinked solid gold eyes at him before cautiously crawling on all fours up to the Nobody. Roxas dropped to his knees once more, a hand slowly coming up to run fingers through the inky black hair. The heartless made a strange purring sound, pushing his head into Roxas' hand as he petted him. The tears started anew and Roxas embraced the heartless.

"You damn _idiot_...look what you _did_ to yourself," Roxas said. He isn't able to be angry at the moment though, regardless of his words. He is just grateful that some version of Sora still remained. Sora turned his head and licked his cheek, purring as Roxas felt more than heard the apology in his head.

Roxas pulled away and smiled, "It's okay. Do- do you remember me?" He asked, voice squeaking a bit in worry at the thoughts of 'does he remember me? Does he remember anyone? Or is it all gone with his light?' running through his head like hurricane.

Sora licked his cheek again and Roxas heard the whisper of **_'Other Half. Love. Nobody. Somebody. Alive.'_** cutting off his doubtful thoughts. Roxas laughed a little, relieved that there was some of Sora in the darkness, as scattered as it was.

"I love you too," he repeated, this time fondly. One thing was for sure, the others were going to flip their shit when they seen this.

 **.o.o.o.0.0.0.o.0.0.0.o.o.o.**

 **Second Ending (for those who prefer more fairy tale endings rather than angsty ones.)**

Later that night, Sora was sitting in his room, talking with Roxas like he has done for the past couple of years. The night was solemn though, compared to the usual enthusiasm the brunet would've had as he changed for bed.

"Maybe we could look through Yen Sid's old books and see if there's something in them?" Sora suggested.

 **"If there was something, Yen Sid would have told you,"** Roxas reminded him gently. Sora huffed, feeling more exhausted than usual.

"I know, I just don't wanna give up hope is all."

 **"You'll find something Sora, I know you will,"** Roxas encouraged before a weird feeling started in his stomach. He furrowed his brow, confused since he hadn't felt anything physical like that for no reason since...he didn't know when.

 **"Sora? Do you feel funny? Or is it just my imagination?"**

Sora put his hand to his stomach, "yeah, now that you mention it I have been feeling..." a wave of dizziness hit him like a freight train and the next thing Sora knew he was collapsing to the ground, sleep claiming him without a moments notice.

 **"Sora? Sora what..."** Roxas stumbled on the glass platform inside Sora's heart, feeling the same dizziness hitting him. The desire for sleep claimed him and Roxas felt himself land face first on the ground, blackness over coming his vision.

Sora woke up the next morning in his bed, the light from his window shining in his eyes. He threw his arm over his eyes, hearing a groan and assuming it was himself.

"Turn off that light..."

Sora chuckled, his bleary mind automatically assuming that Roxas said that inside his head. That is, until he felt something warm and solid snuggle up to his side.

Sora's eyes flew open and he peeked out from under his arm, his first thought being 'oh no, did I do something last night that I'm gonna regret?'

He seen messy spikes that seemed to be made of pure gold and his second panicked thought was, 'oh shit is that Ventus?!'

But it wasn't. Deep blue eyes, like pure sapphires blinked open and widened when they looked up into sky blue.

"So...ra?"

Sora's hand went to his chest and he said something random in his mind, when he wasn't answered with anything sarcastic or crude, the blond beside him still blinking up at him in bewilderment, tears gathered in his eyes.

"Roxas..."

He pulled Roxas to his chest, sobbing in joy as he felt a warm body and was still awake at this time. Roxas hugged him back, crying as well but much quieter and with a large smile on his face. Roxas pulled away and got off the bed, dragging Sora with him. He was still wearing the organization coat, but Sora didn't care as Roxas began spinning and dancing with him.

"The potion worked Sora!" He exclaimed.

Sora nodded, pulling the black gloves off of Roxas' hands so he could feel the warmth of the blond's skin in his own, their fingers intertwining, "yeah...it actually worked."

With that, Roxas pulled Sora into a kiss, both boys not noticing the blue light glowing from within them, sealing the effects of the potion for good. They were just happy that they could be together; two bodies, two halves of one soul.


End file.
